At the age of fifteen during the midst of a winter storm, I took off with two of my wild child friends on a booze cruise. We were driving a 1965 Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser. We had stopped at a local liquor store, paid the store cashier an extra twenty dollars, and got a case of Budweiser beer. Off we went. Several hours later, we were all drunk, but decided it was time to go home. I decided since it would only be several miles back to our house, that I would strip down to my birthday suit and climb up on the roof of the Vista Cruiser. In my drunken state, I figured it would be pretty safe since the roof of this car had a large chrome luggage rack that I could hold on to. Driving erratically down a back road, I saw a Baltimore County police car pass us going in the opposite direction. "Oh my God", I yelled! "The cop car is turning around and coming after us!" I saw the red lights flashing. My friend, driving, stepped on the gas pedal and was now hitting extremely high speeds. My other friend in the Vista Cruiser was throwing out the window scores of both empty and unopened beer cans. I was freezing on the roof of this car. Attempting to readjust my body, I could only move my arms, chest and legs. I could not move the center part of my body. The chase continued. It lasted for miles until finally a police blockade was set up. The police had finally apprehended us. Was I glad. My two friends were dragged out of the Vista Cruiser and placed in handcuffs. The two police officers ordered me to get down from the roof of the car. I responded, "Sirs, I'd really like to, but I can't." The two Baltimore County police officers then said, "Boy, this is your final warning, Get off the roof of the car, now!" I replied, "Sirs, I can't. I think my testicles are frozen to the roof. Please help me, I'm hurting terribly." The two officers began laughing, hysterically. Their laughter continued for well over the next five minutes. Finally with their black leather gloves on, they tried to partially turn me on my side. One of the officers shined his flash light down into my private area. He stated to the other police officer, "Yep, his testicles are frozen to the roof. " The two police officers began another long session of laughing. The officers tried pulling me off the roof. But, when they tried, I screamed in pain. I was losing at least two layers of skin from my private parts during these attempts. Finally, one of the police officers went back to his police car and brought back a styrofoam cup that had hot coffee inside it. They poured it all around my testicles, successfully melting the ice. Finally, with great relief, I was freed. I didn't know which hurt worse, being iced to the roof, or being burned by the hot coffee. I was taken to the hospital, and my parents were notified.
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"Frozen Testicles" Is A True Story