NOT QUITE ENOUGH INGREDIENTS TO BE A KILLER
Part Six: Summary And Conclusion
AUTHORED BY: BRADLEY CHAPLINE
WITH ASSISTANCE FROM MICHELE CHAPLINE
Disclaimer: While all accounts in these editorials are true to the best of my knowledge and recollections, there are possibilities that events, times and dates are skewed because of the extreme passage of time.
Part Six - The Summary And Conclusions
I've been under the cloud of post traumatic stress since the age of seven. Now, at age sixty-five, with finally a pretty much clear, stable, and strong mind, I have reconciled all family issues, (love being a grandfather), and retired as a Nevada State Peace Officer in good standing.
While I have a terminal lung condition, and using a walker to assist me in getting around, I can now, for once, look back at all my past years and see just how desperate I was for a sound mind, but didn't know how to go about it. Because, it is fact, that until being taught, "command presence", I truly never did have any clue as to the path to take in healing my troubled mind.
For, all my hatred created such a tremendous fog in my mind for so many years, that all this hate and my post traumatic stress became my centerpiece, and therefore, was well rooted into my final "look at myself" of once possessing a mental illness.
For pathetically, sometimes, over all these years, I would feel sorry for myself. I recall many times when I used to stand for hours in front of a mirror, crying, as I watched my right eye pop up and down, uncontrollably. I just couldn't stand to see myself like this. Life was once, just a roller coaster ride of going between hating others, giving up on life, and fighting to survive.
Because, over the majority of years in my life, I've heard so many times the abuse coming from the voices who cussed me, condemned me, and called me horrible names. It had all sunk so deep into the recessions of my mind.
So, from the time the former Nevada Department of Prisons Director introduced me to "command presence", nearly three decades ago, I have gradually improved myself. Although I've had some temporary setbacks along the way, I've made myself into a person who can now, in my retirement years, certainly be trusted and respected.
Now, in my eyes, command presence is not only projecting my self-confidence, but it also taught me to continuously look closely at myself, and to carry myself properly, while always acting and speaking appropriately. But, also of great importance, command presence has also given me the courage to still stand strong, but also say I'm wrong, when I'm wrong, sincerely apologize, and correct myself while moving forward with life with no hard feelings.
So, in addition, I've also learned to always dress the part of command presence. I do my best to make sure I never look like an unmade bed.
I also try to project confidence through my body language. For instance, I make sure, even with a walker, that I don't shuffle my feet, or have a lazy walk. I do my absolute best to stride with pride, with my head up, and my eyes alert.
I also do my best to listen to how I sound. I know to never project fear and or have terror in my voice.
Plus, I don't allow myself to look bored and or inattentive. But, I do cherish alone time where I can go anywhere into deep thought and reflection, and not be scared as to what I shall find within myself.
Getting yourself on the road to healing from a post traumatic stress disorder that is related to a mental illness is, however, an extremely difficult task. Because, besides looking the part in having command presence, you must also honestly act and speak the part, always, while in the public eye. But additionally, you must think, act and speak all the parts of command presence, even behind those closed doors where no one else will ever know what is consuming your mind And therefore, consistency is an absolute must.
Remember, feeding your own self-confidence is the absolute pillar of command presence, and the path to healing post traumatic stresses which are, to me, directly related to both hate, and subsequently, differing forms of mental illnesses.
The Final Word From Michele Chapline
- Mental illness is a complicated, and in many ways, a mysterious
subject. Even medical and health professionals admit they do not
have the answers as to causes, treatment and cures.
Brad has attempted to share many of the experiences which have
shaped his life. After much reflection and self-evaluation, he has
illustrated what he feels has affected his own mental health. He
has always been frighteningly honest in relating his own
experiences and shortcomings. I say “frighteningly” because to
most of us, it is terrifying to lay bare parts of our lives which may
not reveal us in the best light. I, myself, am an exceedingly
private person and would not have the courage to present my
total self for unfettered scrutiny. But, I believe he has presented
to us clues as to the burgeoning mental health problem in this
He has been afflicted with experiences which can arguably be
connected to mental illness in many individuals:
1.) Sexual abuse (rape, incest, exposure of an extremely
vulnerable person to sexual overtures and innuendos)
- 2.) Bullying (both physical, and emotional)
- 3.) Domestic violence situations, marital and family strife
4.) Military and/or other stressful situations resulting in
PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder)
5.) Stressful work scenarios (both in civilian and military
sectors) where even doing the right thing may bring
6.) Heredity…be aware of your relatives, for not only your
physical health, but your mental and emotional health
and stability as well
He has also provided some possible answers. In the cases
where his stress resulted in hatred and anger, many times the
people who could see the unhealthy psychological responses
chose to discipline him or ignore the obvious signs. On the other
hand, when he was provided with sincerity, listening, and proper
counseling, he achieved a method to control his responses.
The one major difference in Brad compared to many who may
suffer mental illness to the point of harming themselves and
others, is that he does value human life. Even for those he truly
hated and attempted to harm, he never took the opportunity to
“finish them off”, even though he could have done so. He
- retaliated, but it was only what he felt to be justifiably “evening the
He had, fortunately, a few very good people in his life at crucial
junctures. I believe they provided him with the knowledge that
there is value in life. Charles Ng and others who have killed
remorselessly have disregard for any life but their own. Brad has
many times put himself in jeopardy to take action to aid those
who have not been able to defend themselves. He can relate to
that defenseless person and acts to alleviate the problem.
It appears that simple courtesy and concern for others may go a
long way in averting situations which may develop into a negative
pattern in someone’s life. These patterns have been observed in
many mentally ill individuals. We need to recognize the signs.
Get these people professional help and show them kindness,
rather than mean-spirited verbal assaults. They won’t go away if
you simply ignore them. Remember, you may not know it, but
you could make the difference in a potentially deadly situation.
- Will you be the bandage, or the trigger. >Michele Chapline<
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